The Cheese of the "Day"

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! I know you have all been waiting since "yesterday" for the new Cheese of the Day! Well, ladies and gentlemen.....your wait is over!

TODAY'S CHEESE OF THE DAY IS:

MY FRIEND JESUS!


(Not Actual Jesus)

As some of you may or may not know, I've been friends with (Bobblehead) Jesus for many years now. Usually he just sits on top of the refrigerator shaking his (bobble) head at my snacking habits (Oreo Cakesters). Occasionally he will show up in my medicine cabinet or under my pillow (and, in one terrifying instance, in the shower). I never questioned how he got there, but I'm pretty sure it was either God or my sister. I'm leaning more towards God (except for the shower incident.....I don't think God would do that). My point is, I thought I knew (bobblehead) Jesus pretty well, until I came across a video that has left me shocked, confused, and a little bit scared. Now I'm going to have nightmares about (bobblehead) Jesus chasing me down and shooting me with lasers from his (small, plastic) eyes. Suuuuuuuure, the song starts out all nice and friendly-like, but just wait until the part when he sings "Jesus came and found me, and he touched me down inside...and he'll ZAP you any way he can. ZAP!"

Terrifying.

Anycheese, here's the video.

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"She'd be Fallen Everyday If It Were Up To Me!"

Oh yes... the joys of slap stick comedy. I cannot begin to describe with words how much joy and joyness this youtube clip has given us. I have seen many a high-larious fall in my time but there is just something about this particular video that really tickles my fancy. It could be the fact that she tries to quickly shuffle her feet at the end of the race only to trip herself up and go flying out of the grape bucket face first (talk about cheaters never prosper!) it could be the ever recognizable "grape lady" sound that comes out of her as she disappears out of the main shot. It could be the other grape squisher's reaction as she stands in complete shock and disbelief of what has just occurred or it could be the reaction of the reporters back in the studio and their faces as they try to keep it together long enough to cut to commercial, "YOUCH!" Whatever the reason, this is a video that forever defines the clockbloggers, as without this tear jerking type of humor... I'm afraid we wouldn't be who we are today... Presidentses of the United Stateses.



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What Should We Do Today?!

Uploaded on authorSTREAM by theclockblog
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Meet the Clock Bloggers

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Words of Wisdom

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Bitches and Hos

Guess what time it is??!!? THAT'S RIGHT! It's time for the BITCH/HO of the day! Today's bitch/ho ("Bitcho") is:

VICTORIA!!!!

Victoria wants 3 things in life:
1) To drop out of school (check)
2) To be on Girls Gone Wild (pending)
3) To have a baby (see below)

WELL, I have some GREAT NEWS! It turns out Victoria JUST HAD A BABY! Congrats to her and whichever of her "mens" is the father. Now she just needs to focus on taking her top off on Spring Break, and she'll be set for life.

This is Victoria's ACTUAL baby. For REALS!

Personally, I would have tried to be on GGW before having the baby, but that's just me. I'm sure Victoria can still WORK IT (she's klassy).

So the next time you see a baby dressed in all brand name clothes, with (count them!) THREE pacifiers and a blanket (in case it gets cold), I would a) check my pockets to make sure the bitch didn't steal my money for more brand name clothes and b) get an autograph, because this bitcho is AWESOME! She's right up there with my other favorite Maury guest (and possible future bitcho) Pickle Girl.

(Honorable bitcho shoutout to Victoria's mom.....wow.......)

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